were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
