I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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