His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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