let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
