Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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