you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I believe in your delicious
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
