Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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