What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
