just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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