he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Randomize
