just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
