Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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