the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Shame - the story of my life.
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