Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
