i jhust puked up my retainher.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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