You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
