To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
