best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
