I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
