Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
