I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
