you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
