Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
