you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
