this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
