she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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