I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
