mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
