...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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