if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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