Farmville is her only friend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
