too bad you live with your parents still
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
