and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
