If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
