toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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