its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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