my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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