Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
