she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
