You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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