she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
