He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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