She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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