3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
as a side note pls kill me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
