Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
