you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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