he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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