Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
