sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
