the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
they need to just BURY HIM!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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