My liver just broke up with me...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
