Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
one might say we're banned from that church
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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