I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
