you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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