I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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