Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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