I hope mine doesn't look like that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
